BUMBLING ALONG

Modern world dating. It's impossible, isn't it? 

Do you wait one hour or two before replying to a message? You don't want to seem too keen but then again you don't want them to think you're not interested at all. And you certainly never call them. Like, ever.

But then do you approach them or do they approach you?

And now, as if the modern world wasn't hard enough to navigate already, they go and introduce dating apps and say that this is the way to meet the love of your life.

Well, I mean, is it?

Navigating the Apps

I, for one, as ever, am skeptical.

For how can a digital experience of a few photos help you decide who is fanciable and who just photographs quite well?

But, succumbing to social peer pressure, I downloaded Bumble, the app where the woman makes the first move. Empowering it may be marketed as, depressing its reality was.

I uploaded my photos as per the rules my friends informed me of: one of me smiling (but nothing too toothy), one of me with my mates having fun (probably on a night out), one of me doing an obligatory 'silly' face/thumbs up pose, one of me on holiday and another just for luck.

Then, feeling actually a little excited, I started scrolling.

The Discovery 

And you know what was amazing? Everyone looked remarkably similar.

The same shaggy hair cuts; the same cute-ish smiles; the same photos which always seem to follow the same pattern:

1. Me in a suit/black tie/looking smart

2. Me playing a sport of some kind, usually rugby

3. Me with sister/mum/friend who's a girl

4. Me with a baby and/or puppy (obligatory note in the bio specifying that the baby isn't theirs)

5. Me with my shirt off, preferably in a pair of sunglasses so you can't see most of my face.

Cynical, I hear you mutter. Maybe a little.

But seriously, scroll through the profiles and tell me I'm wrong.

And also, since when has it been boring and unimaginative to just start a conversation with 'hi, how are you?' Now even when I get a match, I then sit for an hour struggling to think of something witty and hilarious to say. 

And, as we all know, the more you think about being funny, the less you are.

Honesty or White Lie?

And then there's the dreaded question for a student/unemployed individual: what do you do?

Do I embellish and make freelance journalism sound like the most glamorous gig around? Do I tell a white lie and say I'm waiting to hear from a company?

Or am I honest and admit to my true status?

As the stills above show you, admitting you're hunting for a job does not make for particularly suitable date material as the radio silence after my admission proves.

And the lack of response can't even be justified by a simple, 'oh I must've lost your number' anymore because that can no longer apply.

Where to Next?

So having struggled relentlessly with the pitfalls of dating apps I think I have to conclude that they're not really for me.

Dipping in and out occasionally, doing a bit of 'window shopping' as I'll crassly call it, that's all nice when you're watching something boring on TV.

But actually scoring a date? Well, it must work for some.

As for the rest of us, there's always that friend of your mum's brother's nephew.

But just a final reminder though. Whoever you find, by whatever means, just make sure they're not boring. 

For me, there's really no excuse to be boring, none whatsoever.

Even if they do look like a cross between Tom Hardy and Channing Tatum. (Oh, um well I guess in this instance, you can at least go on one date, only to look obviously.)

So go forth and socialise, swipe and scroll.

I'll let you know how I get on.

Pic iPhone6